There is so much to say about my life, i dont think ill ever be able to explain it... but hey ill be honest.... Lately i wonder what my purpose is in this world...if i am meant to do something great, and i often find myself thinking maybe i am not meant for anything, i am just meant to die alone.... Lately i havent had much reason to live...i had the man of my dreams... and we just went our own seperate ways.... and sometimes i cant seem to let it go... but i know i have to....in order to move on. The only fast way to get over an ex is to find a new guy, but that new guy just does that same thing the last one did...but im in no rush... id rather do it the hard way...and be alone... its better that way. I dont know after this last ex-boyfriend, i think i need to be alone for awhile... life is a strange thing...you set yourself up for failure....your whole life... you work your ass off to make ends meet...and you get into relationships just to break up and break your heart...i guess its to learn a lesson... but the only lesson ive learned is not to trust guys as far as i can throw them... so usually when i get into a relationship i dont give it my all until about a couple months into my relationship... i dunno its like you have to crack and break my shell...like a defense mechanism... but then i can show the real me... its only because ive been hurt so many times...I dont really need a relationship to be happy... i am perfectly content with being alone, but sometimes i just wish somebody would just prove me wrong... i am a pretty fun person....i play hacky sack everyday.... i sk8 and i swim...i drink and i smoke cigs... i dont smoke weed but if you do its cool with me... thats your perogative...i go to raves and parties in SD and LA and i love long drives and the moonlight... i love laying down on the grass or sidewalk in the pouring rain... and watching the lightning streak across the sky.... i am all around pretty positive, if there is drama i usually walk away but if it involves a friend in trouble im usually SKUD TO THE RESCUE status... and i try to help... but i need to realize... that i cant help everybody...especially people who dont want to be helped. The worst is when they say they need advice and you give them all this advice that comes from your own life experience... and they just do the opposite, you cant help people who dont wanna be helped... Well this is me...like it... then cool... if you dont like it... fuck off... peace out...